You know you look ridiculous, right?

Some people dance like this:

And some people dance like this: 

So in my house, I will dance how I please,

And I will thank you, brain, not to fucking judge me.

Scene 1

"Oh, hey! How's deployment coming?"

"Oh, I'm doing good."

"Doin' great"

Night Owl

So by nature, I'm a night owl.

Normally this wouldn't be a problem, because I can get everything I absolutely need, (like food and water and....well, that's about it), in the afternoons.

But if I want to have a functioning social life outside of the home, or schedule appointments any time before noon, then I'm going to need a normal circadian rhythm. To that end, I've been trying to get on a normal, healthy sleep schedule that does not involve binge watching netflix and then playing video games until four in the morning.

Every night I've been trying to go to sleep at midnight and get up at 8. That seems like a nice, normal time to be sleeping.  Unfortunately, my body has gotten used to my ridiculous schedule, and thinks that going to bed any time before three is some kind of strange, tortuous insanity.

So the result of my effort has been a lot of laying in bed staring at the insides of my eyelids for hours, and still waking up around 10:30 or 11:00. "Ha!" says body. "You're stuck this way! Learn to be a recluse!"

To help things along, I've even gotten rid of most caffeine and alcohol, except in very limited quantities. My body is just as happy about that as it was about the schedule change. (For anyone wanting to try it, you should know that a life without coffee is a cold dark place with no comfort or refuge.)

Then, last night, I had two cups of coffee, went to a friend's house, helped finish off four bottles of wine, and then stumbled around my house until around 3AM. Back to my normal schedule.

But this morning, bright and early, I woke up at 8. Wired and unable to go back to sleep. One of the super great things about being awake so early has been that I am able to fully appreciate the length, breadth and depth of the hangover I have.

I can think of no reason that my body would do this

except maybe revenge.

Wine

Dear friends and neighbors,

Why did you force me to drink so much when we hung out last night?
I feel terrible today.
I wouldn't have drunk so much,
but you lashed me to the wine glass and made threats.

I think.

German Orchestra

You haven't heard anything until you've been completely surrounded by a bunch of germans counting to ten in whispers.

They had to do it during a long pause in an orchestral piece, otherwise everyone would have lost their place. People do it in English orchestras all the time, but it's just not the same.

My new stand partner is doing it along with them, but for the rest of the practice, she's muttering to me in Italian because I told her that it was close enough to Spanish that I could understand her, (turns out that doesn't extend very far beyond the simplest sentences), and she doesn't want to speak loudly over the conductor. Whenever our violins go down, she starts. I have absolutely no idea what she's saying, but it is obviously hilarious, because she's laughing pretty hard most of the time.

I really need to learn German.

I'm pretty sure Cesar Milan suggested this.

My dog signals that he wants to come in by knocking on the back door with his paws. He will repeat this once every thirty seconds for the entire night until someone answers. Sometimes, he will do this within three minutes of having been outside.

Like he just wanted to check and make sure everything is still where he left it.

Again.

So, sometimes, I just stand there in the warm house- maybe get down on eye level with him while he's knocking to come inside, so he knows I mean it, and whisper at him,

"No one is coming to get you. No one can save you now!"

Then I laugh maniacally.

So he knows I'm dominant.