So, this video is what this blog post is going to be about today. You should probably watch it, since it's supposed to be "EARTH SHATTERINGLY GOOD".
I try to watch things that are earth shatteringly good. I mean, I don't know about you, but that sounds at least like a 3 on my 1 to 10 'interesting scale'.
So we open on a narrator, and hear that this is a commencement speech given recently to a bunch of people just about to go out into the world and get jobs. And hopefully, this speech will impact their perspective. I had some problems with his language.
Let's watch:
The first things he says, after telling a pretty amusing story about some fish, is "...this is just a banal platitude. But the fact is that in the day to day trenches of adult existence, banal platitudes can have a life or death importance."
Seriously, brah. Slow your roll and think about what you're saying here. Are you saying that your day to day existence is a firefight? Are you saying that the pressure is so high that it is a constant battle against an unseen enemy just to retain your, (for the sake of retaining your metaphor at all), self-esteem? Or maybe you mean your sanity? Are you saying that if someone tells me that, 'It's nice to meet you', that it can save my life? Or that it can kill me? No one has died for lack of a banal platitude, and don't you start shaping the world to believe it does! The consequences could be dire. DIRE!
He then walks us through an average white collar adult day, which, in this tragic life-or-death situation involves not having bought food at the grocery store, and coming home to an empty fridge.
This is the point in the trench metaphor where we're calling for the metaphorical medic, knee deep in metaphorical hand grenade pins, and chugging out of our metaphorical whiskey bottle.
Oh shit, dude, there's no food in your fridge, what are you gonna do?
Are you gonna order takeout? No! Even if you have a white collar job that allows you the luxury of someone making and bringing food to your door. You are going to go out there, storm the beaches of StoreMart, and go and get yourself some food! Get amped up motherfucker! GET AMPED UP!
Or you could have used the college education involved in the metaphor to plan ahead. Maybe go grocery shopping on the weekends. Obviously somebody isn't using their time wisely. What did they even teach you in college?
But enough bitching about our metaphorical hero. Yes, they have a white collar job. Yes, they have a college degree. No, they did not buy food, and maybe for health reasons or other reasons they HAVE to go to the store. Maybe our hero needs tampons, too. Because there's no such thing as a tampon delivery service...yet.
Moving on.
Wait. Not moving on. Why can't this dude just go hungry for a night? I mean, seriously. Just BE hungry. You failed to plan, you deserve to be hungry and suffer the consequences. It is literally ONE meal that you're missing. Man the fuck up.
Also, the video clearly shows a can of tuna in the fridge. Are you too good for a can of tuna? Is that what you're telling me?
Maybe I drop you in the ocean with some hungry albacore, then we'll see who looks down on who.
ooor maybe he's diabetic, I guess.
Okay.
Moving on. We get to the store. We complain about it a lot, and we go to check out, but the line is long. We cry.
"But you can't take your frustration out at the frantic lady working the register who is overworked at her job whose daily tedium and meaninglessness surpasses the imagination of any of us here at this prestigious college."
Geez, look down on other people much? Is this how you see the rest of the world, narrator? First the tuna, now you insult my work? Your worldview, dude. Fix it.
Next segment.
We see the word 'CHOOSING' in big letters, with our hero's head ensconced in a glow of white light, as though his epiphany is so intense that it colors the air around him, and we hear our narrator speak:
"Because the traffic jams and checkout lines and long crowded aisles give me time to think. And if I don't make a conscious decision...I'm going to be pissed every time I have to shop."
And this is where it takes a turn for the slightly less shitty.
"The thing is is that there are totally different ways to think about these kinds of situations."
Okay, dude. I'm picking up what you're laying down.
You want to start with the traffic jams? Okay, sounds like a plan. Let's go in order:
And this is where it takes a turn back to being shitty.
"It's not impossible that some of these people in SUV's have been in horrible auto accidents in the past, and now find driving so terrifying that a therapist has all but ordered them to get a huge heavy SUV so they can feel safe enough to drive."
What? This is your example to get me to begin to identify with my fellow man? There were an infinite number of ways to handle your situation, but you gave me a mentally-and-physically-disabled over-priviledged over-funded partner on the road? A person who can afford not only a therapist but also a new vehicle based on their personal mental state? I am to assume that the person next to me on the road is a statistical rarity at ALL times? Because I can see into their window, and dude, that man is eating potato chips and texting in a hooptie with subwhoofers. Is he required to eat potato chips for his diabetes? Does the vibration of the music ease the crippling pain of his lower back issue? Is his old car the result of years of medical bills as a secondary consequence of his spinal problems? Is he texting his doctor to let him know he can't make it because his child was sick? Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know.
Or how about I identify with other drivers on the road because they're human beings with places to be, just like me? How about that? Because there are a lot of ways to make that concept beautiful, and it doesn't require that I believe the people next to me are suffering.
And then, after several examples equally infuriating, we hear. "It will actually be within your power to experience a crowded, hot, slow, consumer hell type situation, as not only meaningful, but sacred. On fire with the same force that lit the stars. Love. Fellowship. The mystical oneness of all things..."
No. I do not believe that any "consumer" situation is deserving of the word "hell" next to it. You can afford to buy shit. If you think of that as hell, it is your prerogative. But if you are in line to buy food you can afford, in good health, and with enough left over to be able to make it through tomorrow, and the next day, and the next, it is not hell. It is a minor inconvenience that is, mind-bogglingly, creating a daily crisis within your brain. Deal with it.
And no, it is not sacred. Maybe you can look at it that way, but it is sacred in the same way that any interaction with the rest of humanity or the world can be sacred, and in no other, greater way. Any belief to the contrary is trying to get you to stand in their lines and buy their things.
But he redeems himself at the end:
"You get to consciously decide what has meaning and what doesn't. That is real freedom."
"The Truth is about the real value of a real education, which has almost nothing to do with knowledge and everything to do with simple awareness."
I disagree with almost everything this man has to say. But I mostly agree with him in the end.
You don't have to believe that someone is suffering more than you in order to care about them. You don't have to look down on them to be able to look out for them. And you don't have to have an education to be aware of them or to be aware of yourself. You just have to try to be a good person. Be thankful for the things you have. Be aware that you are among people not so different from yourself, just trying to get home.
Don't be a dick about it.
